Grown Children

We have only one responsibility to our children once they are grown. That is to set an example for them, of living fully and being at peace with ourselves.

Once they are grown they think they know more than we do; so let them. We then go about the business of living our lives based on the wisdom of the things we have learned and are learning now. Remember, when we were their age we thought we knew more than our parents. We may have behaved a little more respectfully. But that was only because it was expected of us. We decided we wouldn’t be as rigid as our parents had been, now look at the result. Oh well, live and learn.

The only way to gain respect from our grown children is to respect ourselves. We may say we do, but we aren’t necessarily behaving as if we do. When we allow our children to take advantage of us and use us as an emotional punching bag we are not showing respect for ourselves. Now remember, I said the only thing we can do for them now is to set an example. Be the person they aspire to be, even if they don’t know it yet.

They will probably become angry at first. Our behavior patterns are changing and they won’t like it. But stick to it! The result is worth it. When we are living rich and full lives and the energy of the love for all that is, radiates from us, they will come looking for the route to such joy. Or maybe they will have to find it some other way. And that’s OK too. They will eventually be drawn back to us because being around us is just too wonderful when we become the loving creative whole persons we are meant to be. We do not need their approval. We do not need their permission. And, if they are conditional in their demands, they do not need our help.

We gave them the best we had when they were growing up. You notice I said “the best we had”. Looking back, we can always say we wish we had done some things differently. At the time, we did the very best we could with the tools at hand.

What are we doing now? We have the time to study and produce. We have the time to do the things we want to do. Think of the time and energy we are spending trying to ‘help the children’. Let them figure out their world on their own, just like we did. Let them make their own mistakes and learn from them. We had to do it for ourselves and so do they.

We can be there to love them, to send out that loving energy that is unconditional. This does not mean show up to bail them out. It means being the love we are meant to be, the universal love energy that connects to all that is. Be all that we are, really be the being we are reading about, the being we know we are, all the time, not just when we have time for ourselves. Don’t tell them what we are doing. Just do it. Don’t explain the changes. Just make them. Have no expectations. Just be!

The love we have for our children radiates out from us when we are at peace. The anxiety and concern and, dare I say guilt, also radiates out and is felt by them. They respond to that with varying degrees of anger and a need to prove themselves capable of making their own decisions and mistakes, which creates a greater need in us to fix things. It is one of those vicious circles that keeps itself going.

So, what do we want for our children . . . and for ourselves? We are all searching for the love that is the God in us and in them. We may not be able to see it in them but it is there. We need to get out of the way so they can get on with it.

There is no greater gift than to show them, by our example, what is possible and to get out of the way so they can find this all out for themselves. It isn’t up to us to save them. Fact is, we can’t, no matter how hard we try or how much we want to, they each (we each) must find our own way.

It’s exciting to think about what that can mean in our lives. Think of the time and energy that is now available to be used in creating, for ourselves, the life we choose. Now we see there is a bit of responsibility there. Are we up for the task? Are we ready to have all that joy in our lives? I think so. How about you?